


I Look

by Katitty



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, how do I tag this?, story time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:52:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6597517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katitty/pseuds/Katitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First dates should never end in disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Look

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malec Trash Squad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Malec+Trash+Squad).



> Sometimes I like the hurt people. Usually fictional characters.

His body is limp, and I'm scared. His hands are cold, and I'm scared. His face is bloody, and I'm scared.

I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. 

There are hands on his face, Jace's I think, someone is pumping his chest and I'm being useless. But what can I do? What can any of us do? He's cold, his broken, and his cat eyes aren't focused. 

'Don't you dare give up on him Alec. I swear to god I will kill you.'

'He's dead.' My hands are shaking and suddenly my vision is blurry.

'No,' someone says, I can make out the vampires face through the wetness in my eyes, 'his heart is still beating. Maybe he's just- I don't know, stunned.'

'Stunned?' 

I look up, and it's Clary's friend. Simon. He's pumping on Magnus's chest and I don't know why he's here.

'I don't know, I'm not a doctor! All I know is his heart is still beating.'

 

I glance back down and his eyes are still dead. 'Give him mouth to mouth.'

'What?' 

'It's where you blow into his mouth, I don't know how to explain it. Here, you pump his chest.'

I move my hands to rest over his heart and I hear Simon muttering a song as he moves towards where Jace is kneeling. 'Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.' 

I don't know what I'm doing, and Simon notices instantly. In a flash, his music play is in his hands and he's scrolling through his songs. 'Play in the beat to this song'

'What?'

'Trust me.'

'Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Sing it.' He gives me a pleading look and I'm not giving up on Magnus.

I listen, and my hands start moving. I don't remember giving them permission, but then I hear Simon, his clear voice breaking through the fog in my brain. 'Go in time with the beat. Ah, ah, ah, ah.' 

I listen to him, because out of everyone here, he seems to be the only one who can help. 

I get the gist, keep his heart moving to a fast beat, and I watch transfixed, as clamps his fingers over Magnus's nose and lowers his mouth.

It's weird, I think, watching someone blow air into another persons mouth. But given the circumstances, I can't judge mundanes right now. They may just be the reason Magnus doesn't die tonight.

'Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin alive, stayin alive.'

Clary is here now, I can hear her voice over the music, and she has someone with her. I hear that someone gasp, and I know it's Izzy. She will help, she always helps. 

Suddenly everything is breaking. My heart, my head my arms, everything. I have never lied to my sister, I could never lie to my sister. She's my sister. She knows me inside and out, and I'm not breaking anymore. I'm broken.

'Izzy what do I do?' 

I can't hear my voice through the white noise that is suddenly clouding my head, but I can feel it leave me, in all its broken and wavering glory.

I feel Jace lay his hand across my shoulders and I see Izzy kneel beside Simon and ask him something, but it doesn't feel like feeling, it feels like numbness. My hands and arms feel like numbness, my hands and arms aren't working anymore. 'Let me,' Jace whispers in my ear and suddenly I'm just a mess in the middle of a crisis. 

I scramble towards where Simon is still breathing into him, and I look at his unfocused eyes, and I know that he is dead. I know he is. And I feel like the worst person in existence because I seem to be the only person here that accepts that.

There are men now, in uniforms, that carry mundane devices and I glance up to see Clary spitting out lie after lie to try and explain what had happened. 

They put him on a bed, and the wheel him to a van. Simon pushes me forward, and they don't stop me from climbing in behind them.

'What's his name?' 

It takes me a second, but I catch myself before telling him his full name. That seems like a bad idea. 'Magnus. I don't know his last name,' I hope my story adds up with Clary's, 'we were on a blind date.' 

The date part isn't really a lie, it really was, should still be our first date. But here he is. Laying cold and unmoving in the back of what I assume is an ambulance, dead. 

I stare out the window, because looking at him hurts. Looking at his dead eyes hurt. Looking at what could have been. Hurts.

They attach something to him that makes his heartbeat echo through the vehicle in beeps. But I do not look. 

They write things on paper and add something that sounds like air rushing though a pipe, but I do not look. 

I don't look when we enter a building that sounds like the institute but smells like a headache. 

I don't look when a small lady leads me away from him, and into a room where I'm told to sit and wait. 

I don't look when Izzy enters, followed by Jace, then Clary, then Simon. 

I don't look when a doctor comes in just hours, days, years later. 

'He's going to be okay.' 

I look.


End file.
